touch sight tastes like fire
hands do now what eyes no longer defend
hands to fuel desire

(how irrelevant this is to the post,
I like it nonetheless.)

-

[ this lack of style in writing disgusts me sometimes. As though I'm writing a GP essay or something. What am I giving up in exchange for (attempted) clarity?

They say 'lost in emotion', but I actually feel even more lost. Not the lack of direction, but in the sense that I'm losing myself.

Who is this girl, trying hard to make clear links and equations? Who is this person, rejecting emotions when she cannot find the reason behind it? Who do I want to be, and what for? For the fear of falling back into emotions for they cause too much hurt?

The events themselves have not changed me, it was my conscious decision to change, a coping mechanism. To chase away fear. Worries. Insecurity. Have I closed my heart to this world? Where is this this ability to feel so immensely? I prided myself in it, and have now lost it.

Lost it? To what? Fear? How cowardly, how timid.

I am but another wandering soul now, not to be saved or redeemed till I can throw myself in one's arms, without this fear that has been with me all my life.

What is rejection to this magic that is love?

If you can even find it while you're alive, that is. Some people never find it. Those people die. Not just romantic love. ]